Action 1 | Grad Studio I
My Teammate: Meghna Mitra
Talking about home ground for me has never been easy. To me, clearly, Tehran has always been my home ground; A city where I grew up in. However, my relationship with this ground was never simple; never how I wanted it to be. In Tehran, I felt happy and yet I felt so scared, I felt accepted and yet I felt like I didn’t belong, I felt loved and yet I felt rejected, and felt like I knew every corner of it and yet felt like I knew so little.
Tehran: An entangled thread of contradicting emotions; that’s how I feel about my home ground.
For this action, I was partnered with Meghna who also had a somewhat complicated relationship with her home ground, although for very different reasons. Our experiences were so different and yet we had many things in common. During our chats and in every step, I learned something new about my connection to this ground.
1. People are the center of this thread
During our first call, we simply set out to get to know each other better; a brief background about where we came from. Meghna had lived in 5 different countries and she didn’t clearly know where to call home. Her room was cozy but she seemed ready to pack her suitcase at any time and fly to Vancouver. To me, it felt like she had lived more than me, going from one place and to another, experiencing all these new environments and cultures, I thought to myself what a cool life to have!
Then I decided to show her my room, with all the belongings I have had for years; even some from my childhood. A lived-in place, that’s what she called it. I talked about my friends and that even a friend I have had since I was five years old, lives down the street from me. She was surprised; never having that kind of stability and longevity of friendships. Here, I thought to myself, oh, that’s kind of cool too! I had never looked at it this way. To have everyone I love, in one place. That’s the most special thing about this crazy city for me.
2. Details matter
During our second chat, we decided to take a tour around our neighborhoods. I started my tour from my local café. A place that I go to every week to either sit alone or hang out with friends. I started to walk home and along the way showed her the things I thought were interesting: buildings, people, cats, my usual bus stop, more cats, a small area where the elderly gather around in the evenings to chat and … . I realized something when talking to her: I have lived here for so long that I stopped discovering it. Even the route I take home every day has become a habit, I don’t even need to keep my head high and look around to know where I am going. I just do! I look past so many details, and these are exactly the small things that tie me to this place. From the old bus I take to work every day to the old book store around the corner.
3. Happy memories feel like home
In our last call, I decided to go through my camera roll and just see what kind of photos in there give me a sense of home right off the bat. I gathered around 20 photos and shared them with her. The photos were so random, some I had to think about why I chose them when I was showing them to her. There was a photo of my grandmother’ pomegranate garden, a photo from an overpass near my old school and even of snow. When I was trying to articulate why I chose a photo of snow, I realized it was all about memories, mostly happy ones! All photos represented a happy memory in my mind, a sense of comfort and belonging; a feeling I rarely feel nowadays in Tehran.
All in all, I decided to map out my feelings. To make visible some of the knots in this entangled thread. Do I wish I could just take a pair of scissors and cut out the knots like oppression, misogyny, and the chaos? For sure! Do I wish when I thought about home, all I could remember were the good memories and not the ugly ones? Absolutely! But I don’t think it works that way…
I grew up with all the elements of this thread, and they all shaped the person I am today, even though I no longer feel like some of its parts are a part of my identity!
